How to Become a Positive Force in Any Relationship By Dr. Alan Zimmerman

Not too long ago, one of my friends ... I'll call him Josh ... took his family on a trip to Hawaii. It was a major undertaking, considering the economy, but he also knew it could be a major bonding time.

He only had one stipulation. Josh told each of the kids to save some of their money so they could buy their own souvenirs. Everything else was on him and his wife Bits. Josh knew that kids appreciate things a great deal more when they have some of their own skin or money in the game rather than everything being a gimme-gimme entitlement.

Unfortunately, the trip didn't start out well. One kid was a total grouch. She didn't like the restaurants, and she didn't like the food, water, hotel, or anything else. All she did was gripe, gripe, gripe.

So Josh took her aside and said, "Look, we came here to have a good time, and you're making this difficult for all of us. Why?" His daughter Sara said it was because she lost $5.00.

Josh tried to reason with her, explaining he had paid the airfare, the hotel, the meals, the car, the excursions, and everything else. She was getting a thousand-dollar trip and throwing it all away for a measly $5.00 loss. "Why would you do that?" Josh asked her. Sara replied, "It wasn't your $5.00."

When they got back to their hotel room, Josh took out a $20 bill, lit it on fire, and let it burn to ashes in the ash tray. He tried to teach her it was only money, and she could still have fun even if she lost some of it. So chill out.

Sara wasn't convinced and slumped off to her room. Five minutes later she came bouncing out of her room, all excited, saying, "Dad, Dad, I found my $5.00." Then Josh had to struggle with not being a grouch for the next 7 days.

The point is ... you have to live and work with other people. And you ALWAYS make the lives of others better or worse. You can be a grouch that inflicts pain at home or demotivates your colleagues at work. Or you can be a positive force that not only makes people feel better but do better.

Of course, my comments may sound a little soft or touchy-feely for some of my clients who are struggling with this tough economy. They're so focused on the money aspects of their business that they may overlook the human aspects of their business. But let me say this: it's not an either-or choice you have to make.

As a professional speaker and consultant who is focused on transforming the people side of business, over the last 25 years, I've learned that when the tough times comes, people skills can be more critical to long-term success than strategic initiatives such as innovation or cost-cutting. Commonsense practices such as listening, motivating, team building and change managing are always valuable - but never more so than during high-stress periods.

Well, we're in a high-stress period right now. Here are a few things you can do, relationally, to be a positive force at work and at home.

1. Bring a bright spirit to every encounter.
That doesn't mean you have to be friends with everybody at work. You don't even have to like some of your coworkers or relatives. But you ... and only you ... can decide what kind of demeanor you bring to your meetings or get-togethers.

When I was speaking to the Alaska Association of Municipal Clerks, one member of the audience, Julie Cozzi, the Borough Clerk for Haines, Alaska, said it beautifully. She said, "Everyone brings joy to a room ... some when they enter, some when they leave."

Julie learned how to bring a bright spirit to every encounter. And in a similar manner, you can do the same thing. In fact, in these high-stress times, we desperately need people who bring a bright spirit to every encounter.

But ... you must choose to do it NOW ... no matter what is happening in your life or work. Unfortunately, as one person pointed out, most people choose to do it later ... when everything is going well ... when they're feeling better.

No! You've got to bring a bright spirit NOW ... not as one person said, "We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire."

"The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right NOW. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to he happy anyway."

"So stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die to decide that there is no better time than right NOW to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination."

How do you do all that when times are tough? The author concluded by saying, "Work like you don't need the money, love like you you've never been hurt, and dance like no one's watching."

And then, to be a positive force in your personal and professional relationships,

2. Be more of a giver than a taker.
Many countries are on the verge of economic collapse ... many organizations are barely hanging on ... many teams are not working well ... and many relationships are falling apart ... because too many of the people in those countries, organizations, teams, and relationships are takers instead of givers. They're focused on taking on what they can get for themselves, no matter who they take it from. But that always has been and always will be a recipe for disaster.

That's why it was somewhat controversial when William Barclay preached, "Give without remembering and receive without forgetting."

It's also a practice that Joan Miller, a Navy investigator and one of my audience members, follows with such warmth and compassion. She's a giver instead of a taker, despite her heavy load of challenges.

As she told me, she lost her dear husband unexpectedly when he was taken by a stroke on her birthday. Then her Mother died a short time later of kidney failure. In between all of that, she had 4 surgeries herself. Fortunately, Joan had 10 givers in her life ... some coworkers and some relatives who kept calling her, who checked on her, who cared for her at home, bathing her, and applying antibiotic ointments.

When Joan's next birthday came, she decided to be a giver as well. She wrote, "I woke up on my birthday with a strong need to express my thanks to the many women who showered me with their love and compassion over the last year. I sent living plants to these 10 women with the following message: I'm counting my blessings on this birthday, and you're a Top 10! Thanks for being there."

Joan continued, "It seemed like the florist bill cost a fortune. But guess what? It paid back 10-fold. All the loving messages, e-mails, phone calls, and hugs from those women were priceless. One of the most rewarding feedback messages was from my niece Barbara, a single parent of a 10-year old boy. Naturally she thought it was amazing to think I was giving gifts to others on my birthday, and her niece added, 'I haven't had flowers or a plant delivered to me in years. I absolutely love it. And I'll take such good care of it and think of you at the same time.'"

Joan finished her note to me by asking a question. "Now I ask you, how could I have possibly received a better gift on my birthday than all those loving messages and bits of feedback? I've learned that the kindnesses we give to others are the very things that bring lasting memories to ourselves and others."

I believe that when you and I and everybody else learn that same lesson, our workplaces and our relationships will be so much better. Be more of a giver than a taker.

And finally, in your quest to become a positive force in your personal and professional relationships,

3. Plant good seeds.
You're going to have some problems and frustrations in every relationship you have now or ever will have. That's a given. And those challenges may tempt you to give up on a person or a relationship, and they may tempt you to retaliate or get even.

At times like those, you need to remember what one Anonymous author wrote: "As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."

The point is simple but important: you've got to do the right thing ... the good thing ... in your relationships ... whether or not you feel like it. After all, you are responsible for what you do in your relationships. How the other person responds to what you do is another issue and is not your reasonability.

It's like planting seeds. If you're a farmer, you are responsible for planting good seed, but the growth of that seed is somewhat beyond your control. Nonetheless, if you're a smart farmer you keep on planting good seed ... because chances are ... you'll eventually reap a good harvest. It's the law of sowing and reaping that works just as well in a farmer's field as it does in your relationships.

During this holiday season, or any season for that matter, take heed of this ageless advice:

If you plant honesty, you will reap trust.
If you plant goodness, you will reap friends.
If you plant humility, you will reap greatness.
If you plant perseverance, you will reap victory.
If you plant consideration, you will reap harmony.
If you plant hard work, you will reap success.
If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation.
If you plant openness, you will reap intimacy.
If you plant patience, you will reap improvements.
If you plant faith, you will reap miracles.

But...

If you plant dishonesty, you will reap distrust.
If you plant selfishness, you will reap loneliness.
If you plant pride, you will reap destruction.
If you plant envy, you will reap trouble.
If you plant laziness, you will reap stagnation.
If you plant bitterness, you will reap isolation.
If you plant greed, you will reap loss.
If you plant gossip, you will reap enemies.
If you plant worries, you will reap wrinkles.
If you plant sin, you will reap guilt.

So think twice about the kinds of seeds you're planting with your customers, your coworkers, your friends, and family members. It will determine the results you reap tomorrow. The seeds you're planting will make your life and your business better or worse.

To become a positive force, just remember relationship building is a lot like gardening. As Lynwood L. Giacomini says, "Like a gardener, I believe that what goes down must come up." And I say, what goes out must come back

Reiki Healing ~ by Sunetra Basu

"Depending upon the kind of person you are, you will attract similar energies around you, and others will reciprocate with similar energies. Be kind, compassionate and empathetic so you can attract kindness, compassion and empathy in return. Spread love and enjoy being loved back!"

Reiki, or 'Universal Life Energy', is the spiritual healing energy of the universe. It is metaphysical by nature, and esoteric with respect to normal human cognizance. The Japanese word 'Reiki' can be broken down into two parts - 'Rei', meaning universal, or omnipresent, and, 'Ki', meaning life energy. Thus Reiki literally means Universal Life Energy.

This system of healing was founded and revived in the early 1900s. History has it that Krishna, Gautam Buddha, Jesus Christ and many saints have used the power of healing with the hands. But neither was this recorded anywhere, nor was it in practice anymore. Dr.Mikao Usui received divine enlightenment for the same through an austere meditation atop a very sacred mountain in Japan, and established the Usui System of Natural Healing or Usui Shiki Ryoho. Under this system, a Reiki practitioner channelizes healing 'Reiki' energy into an individual from his/her palms, with or without touch.

Reiki is guided by the higher intellect, that is, the divine, and brings relief from any kind of adverse condition(s) that goes against the welfare and wellbeing of an individual, a couple, or a group entity. In bringing relief, Reiki not only heals the painful symptoms, but also heals the root cause(s) of the problem. Such problem could have manifested at the physical level, causing disease, discomfort, pain and dysfunction in the body; at the mental level, causing imbalances that surface as depression, paranoia, phobia, obsession, and any other mental disorder; at the emotional level, causing emotional imbalances, outbursts, and other emotional crises; or at the spiritual level which is the deepest of the four levels of human perception. As such, disharmony at this level usually links back to trauma experienced as a fetus, as an infant, as a child, or even in a previous birth wherein the being has carried forward memories of its past life experience(s) into the present life. Sometimes, a harrowing incident even at a more matured stage in life could have impacted deep enough to cause an imbalance at the spiritual level!

No matter what the problem, its depth or complexity, Reiki works out a unique healing solution that takes care of the energy block, the imbalance, the disease or any other abnormality, as well as all peripheral issues that might have branched from them. Thus, Reiki is a natural holistic energy medicine, safe and gentle for everyone in need of healing, re-energizing and rejuvenation. Being 'life' energy itself, it has no adverse effect on life forms and heals… irrespective of the age, gender, physical, mental and emotional conditions. With no complicated techniques, no painful procedures, instruments or equipments tied to it, Reiki is one of the easiest, simplest and most flexible of alternative energy medicine modalities. And since it does not interfere with therapies, procedures and medications, Reiki can safely be taken along with all ongoing treatments. Moreover, Reiki healing helps reduce negative side effects of other treatments and medications.

Reiki healing significantly enhances and expedites the process of recovery, and boosts the body's immune system. Regular Reiki healing helps cure pain and ailments we suffer from in daily life, reducing both the duration and the intensity, and protecting against many more!

Spiritual development and a stronger intuition are the other benefits of Reiki healing that come along naturally as one progresses along thisi path.

Reiki can be learned from a Reiki guru titled Reiki Master Teacher. The Reiki Master is equipped with very powerful spiritual symbols that act as the gateway to the sacred healing energies existing at very high frequencies. At a Reiki class, the Reiki Master Teacher 'attunes' the student to the special Reiki frequencies. This enables the student to access the higher healing energies with a mental affirmation. After attunement, the student becomes a Reiki Channel, and can channelize Reiki to heal the self and others. An attunement stays active for life and does not ware away with time.

Under the Usui System of Natural Healing, or Usui Shiki Ryoho (in Japanese), the practitioner's power and ability to heal increase progressively through three levels, namely, Reiki First which is meant for beginners, Reiki Second Degree which is meant for those who have practiced as First Degree Channels for over two months, and Reiki Third Degree or Master Teacher Degree which is meant for Reiki Channels who have practiced at the Second Degree level for over two years and wish to take up Reiki teaching as their way of life.

Learning Reiki takes a dedicated two-day course, and stays good for a lifetime. Following the Reiki course, regular practice is necessary to enjoy the healing benefits of Reiki. EVERYONE HAS THE CAPACITY TO CHANNELIZE THE UNIVERSAL LIFE ENERGY!

At the risk of repeating… Reiki is the same life energy that animates every cell in the body and has been flowing through every living being from the time of its coming into existence as a fetus. Whenever this life energy falls below the healthy level within the physical, mental, emotional or karmic energy of a living being, it goes through suffering. This happens when negative energy gets accumulated from external sources, or, gets generated from within as a result of negative thoughts, words or actions, and blocks the circulation of positive/life energy. What Reiki healing does is that it infuses fresh flow of life energy which either dissipates the negative energy block, or dissolves it into the positive energy field which is much stronger than the negative energy field, thereby restoring the steady circulation of life energy, raising the energy up to the healthy level. Reiki healing thus recharges the recipient with health, harmony and completeness at all levels of consciousness, and in all aspects of life.

On my Reiki journey so far, I have had incredibly amazing experiences healing both people who were near me, and those who were miles away from me in a far away continent. Reiki transcends time and distance; at the metaphysical level, factors of time and distance do not exist!

Recently I sent Reiki to a hospitalized patient with a critical brain infection. While I was in New Jersey, the patient was in India, and A SINGLE PROXY REIKI SESSION of 1 hour and 45 minutes brought about a complete turnaround in the medical conditions. Not only did the person come out of the long bout of high fever, delirium and semi-consciousness, but also started to respond to medicines, sat up and drank soup the very next morning. As always, I felt eternally grateful to Reiki for this miracle!

There are countless amazing stories of Reiki healings that could seem miracles, yet Reiki manifests such healings all the time, spontaneously! …And I am sure that every dedicated Reiki practitioner all over the world has experienced the Reiki blessing!

The pursuit of happiness---by Bodhipaksa

We all want happiness, but much joy do you experience in your life? And I mean real “heart welling up,” “spring in the step,” “full of the joys of spring joy,” “happy for no reason” joy, rather than the dull sense of pleasure that we often experience.

Most people, when they’re asked this question, will say “not much.” Many may go entire days, or even weeks, without any significant joy. Life can often seem like an endless round of chasing deadlines and striving to stay on top of an ever-growing to-do list, and so be imbued with a sense of stress.

Do we even expect to be happy? It strikes me that many of us have low expectations for how happy we will be. We don’t expect our lives to produce much joy.

How do we look for happiness? By vegging out in front of the TV, or by eating, or shopping, or Facebook, or through alcohol? But these pursuits often lead, at best, to that sense of dull pleasure I mentioned earlier, rather than genuine joy.

Maybe we think that happiness is just around the corner, but we haven’t got there yet. Or maybe it’s a ways off; perhaps we’ll be happy after we get a new job, or more pay, or once we lose some weight, or when we’re on vacation, or after we get past this busy spell.

The trouble is, that we create unhappiness for ourselves through our thoughts and attitudes, and then expect to consume our way out of unhappiness. And that just doesn’t work.

There’s a piece of “cowboy wisdom” I heard many years ago that goes, “When you find you’re in a hole, the first thing you gotta do is stop diggin’.” And I think that’s absolutely true. To live happily, we have to drop the mental habits that make us unhappy. Often that’s all we have to do — stop making ourselves unhappy, since joy is something we actively suppress. Joy is our natural way of being, but most of our “doing” cuts us off from our natural happiness.

So what are those mental habits that suppress our happiness? Basically, they are anything we do that resists the present moment. The “usual suspects” are things like responding with clinging rather than letting go, resisting rather than accepting, anger rather than kindness, complaining rather than celebrating, worrying rather than being optimistic, and trying to escape our experience rather than being mindful.

Being joyful is a skill, and most people lack skill in creating joy. Just look at people driving or walking past you; what percentage of people are actually smiling? The things we do that suppress our joy are called “unskillful” activities in Buddhism. Conversely, when we act in ways that allow joy to emerge, we’re acting skillfully.

As soon as we drop any of these unskillful, joy-suppressing activities, we feel happier. We may not go straight to a deep sense of joy the moment we drop an angry thought, but at least when we do that we’re heading in the right direction. If we keep letting go of unskillful thoughts, and refrain from unskillful words and actions, we are creating a space for joy to emerge. And if we cultivate skillful habits of thought, speech, and action, joy will emerge. It’s guaranteed.

So just watch your mind. Notice your thoughts, and notice whether they’re contributing to a sense of joy, or a sense of disharmony. And if you’re creating suffering for yourself, let go of or change those thoughts or replace them with more skillful ones. And you can do the same with your speech, as well.

So this is what we’re going to be working on in the next phase of 100 Days of Lovingkindness. We’ll be cultivating skillful habits that allow joy to emerge naturally. We’ll be practicing mindfulness, kindness, celebration, appreciation, and other joy-enabling habits. And we’ll see what happens!